- Talking on cell phones, especially while in the stall
- People afraid to urinate at the urinal and use the toilet instead - worse when they leave the stall door open
- People that, given an entire row of empty urinals, chose the one next to yours
- People that can't urinate unless they keep flushing the urinal
- People that make a show of excessive shaking, tugging, and groaning upon completion
- People who drop pants and even worse, underwear, to the floor at the urinal
- People that stand and have a lengthy conversation after the business is finished
- People who leave the stall and don't wash their hands
- People who leave the door knob wet when they leave
Friday, November 14, 2008
The Mens Room
Here are things that piss me off in the mens room:
CHEP 2009 - Prague
I've always wanted to go to Prague and it finally looks as if the planets are coming into alignment. I just submitted (3) abstracts for the CHEP conference which will be held 3/21-27, 2009. CHEP stands for Computing in High Energy and Nuclear Physics and it's an opportunity for folks such as myself to present papers and give lectures on both the mundane and extraordinary components of our own little computing context. This particular conference is held every (2) years, I think, and carries with it a bit more prestige than the bi-annual HEPiX meetings.
I've always had a romance for Prague -- I imagine it to be a labrynthine, stoney grey web of spires and mystery in the spirit of Kafka. In the 1991 Soderberg movie, Kafka, Prague was an intensely dark and murderous place. The movie rehashed many of Kafka's own themes: isolation, transformation, paranoia, and institutional oppression. I especially liked when the movie moves from black and white to full color once Kafka (Jeremy Irons) enters the Castle -- with all the appropriate elbows and winks to Dorothy in Oz.
Then I recall reading something about Einstein, Kafka, and Freud hanging out in Prague but I don't know if that's real or just a myth...
Anyway, here are the abstracts -- it took a minimal of effort to write them up -- if they get accepted then I'll craft something good.
Title: dCache Storage Cluster at BNL
Abstract content
Over the last (2) years, the USATLAS Computing Facility at BNL has managed a highly performant, reliable, and cost effective dCache storage cluster using SunFire x4500/4540 (Thumper/Thor) storage servers. The design of a discreet storage cluster signaled a departure from a model where storage resides locally on a disk-heavy compute farm. The consequent alteration of data flow mandated a dramatic re-construction of the network fabric.
This work will cover all components of our dCache storage cluster (from door to pool) including OS/ZFS file-system configuration, 10GE network tuning, monitoring, and environmentals. Performance metrics will be surveyed within the context of our Solaris 10 production system as well as those rendered during evaluations of OpenSolaris and Linux. Failure modes, bottlenecks, and deficiencies will be examined.
Lastly, we discuss competing architectures under evaluation, scaling limits in our current model, and future technologies that warrant close surveillance.
Presentation type (oral | poster)
Oral
Primary Authors:
PETKUS, Robert (Brookhaven National Laboratory)
Co-authors:
KARASAWA, Mizuki (Brookhaven National Laboratory)
MCCARTHY, John (Brookhaven National Laboratory)
SMITH, Jason (Brookhaven National Laboratory)
Abstract presenters:
PETKUS, Robert
Track classification:
Hardware and Computing Fabrics
Title: Building a Storage Cluster with Gluster
Abstract content
Gluster, a free cluster file-system scalable to several peta-bytes, is under evaluation at the RHIC/USATLAS Computing Facility. Several production SunFire x4500 (Thumper) NFS servers were dual-purposed as storage bricks and aggregated into a single parallel file-system using TCP/IP as an interconnect. Armed with a paucity of new hardware, the objective was to simultaneously allow traditional NFS client access to discreet systems as well as access to the GlusterFS global namespace without impacting production.
Gluster is elegantly designed and carries an advanced feature set including, but not limited to, automated replication across servers, server striping, fast db backend, and I/O scheduling. GlusterFS exists as a layer above existing file-systems, does not have a single-point-of-failure, supports RDMA, distributes metadata, and is entirely implemented in user space via FUSE.
We will provide a background of Gluster along with its architectural underpinnings, followed by a description of our test-bed, environmentals, and performance characteristics.
Presentation type (oral | poster)
Oral
Primary Authors:
PETKUS, Robert (Brookhaven National Laboratory)
Co-authors:
SMITH, Jason (Brookhaven National Laboratory)
Abstract presenters:
PETKUS, Robert
Track classification:
Hardware and Computing Fabrics
Title: Log Mining with Splunk
Abstract content
Robust, centralized system and application logging services are vital to all computing organizations, regardless of size. For the past year, the RHIC/USATLAS Computing Facility (RACF) has dramatically augmented the utility of logging services with Splunk. Splunk is a powerful application that functions as a log search engine, providing fast, real-time access to data from servers, applications, and network devices. Splunk at the RACF is configured to parse system and application log files, script output, snmp traps, alerts, and has been integrated into our Nagios monitoring infrastructure.
This work will detail our central log infrastructure vis-`a-vis Splunk, examine lightweight agents and example configurations, consider security, and demonstrate functionality. Distributed Splunk deployments or clusters between institutions will be discussed.
Presentation type (oral | poster)
Oral
Primary Authors:
PETKUS, Robert (Brookhaven National Laboratory)
Co-authors:
SMITH, Jason (Brookhaven National Laboratory)
RIND, Ofer (Brookhaven National Laboratory)
Abstract presenters:
PETKUS, Robert
Track classification:
Software Components, Tools and Databases
I've always had a romance for Prague -- I imagine it to be a labrynthine, stoney grey web of spires and mystery in the spirit of Kafka. In the 1991 Soderberg movie, Kafka, Prague was an intensely dark and murderous place. The movie rehashed many of Kafka's own themes: isolation, transformation, paranoia, and institutional oppression. I especially liked when the movie moves from black and white to full color once Kafka (Jeremy Irons) enters the Castle -- with all the appropriate elbows and winks to Dorothy in Oz.
Then I recall reading something about Einstein, Kafka, and Freud hanging out in Prague but I don't know if that's real or just a myth...
Anyway, here are the abstracts -- it took a minimal of effort to write them up -- if they get accepted then I'll craft something good.
Title: dCache Storage Cluster at BNL
Abstract content
Over the last (2) years, the USATLAS Computing Facility at BNL has managed a highly performant, reliable, and cost effective dCache storage cluster using SunFire x4500/4540 (Thumper/Thor) storage servers. The design of a discreet storage cluster signaled a departure from a model where storage resides locally on a disk-heavy compute farm. The consequent alteration of data flow mandated a dramatic re-construction of the network fabric.
This work will cover all components of our dCache storage cluster (from door to pool) including OS/ZFS file-system configuration, 10GE network tuning, monitoring, and environmentals. Performance metrics will be surveyed within the context of our Solaris 10 production system as well as those rendered during evaluations of OpenSolaris and Linux. Failure modes, bottlenecks, and deficiencies will be examined.
Lastly, we discuss competing architectures under evaluation, scaling limits in our current model, and future technologies that warrant close surveillance.
Presentation type (oral | poster)
Oral
Primary Authors:
PETKUS, Robert (Brookhaven National Laboratory)
Co-authors:
KARASAWA, Mizuki (Brookhaven National Laboratory)
MCCARTHY, John (Brookhaven National Laboratory)
SMITH, Jason (Brookhaven National Laboratory)
Abstract presenters:
PETKUS, Robert
Track classification:
Hardware and Computing Fabrics
Title: Building a Storage Cluster with Gluster
Abstract content
Gluster, a free cluster file-system scalable to several peta-bytes, is under evaluation at the RHIC/USATLAS Computing Facility. Several production SunFire x4500 (Thumper) NFS servers were dual-purposed as storage bricks and aggregated into a single parallel file-system using TCP/IP as an interconnect. Armed with a paucity of new hardware, the objective was to simultaneously allow traditional NFS client access to discreet systems as well as access to the GlusterFS global namespace without impacting production.
Gluster is elegantly designed and carries an advanced feature set including, but not limited to, automated replication across servers, server striping, fast db backend, and I/O scheduling. GlusterFS exists as a layer above existing file-systems, does not have a single-point-of-failure, supports RDMA, distributes metadata, and is entirely implemented in user space via FUSE.
We will provide a background of Gluster along with its architectural underpinnings, followed by a description of our test-bed, environmentals, and performance characteristics.
Presentation type (oral | poster)
Oral
Primary Authors:
PETKUS, Robert (Brookhaven National Laboratory)
Co-authors:
SMITH, Jason (Brookhaven National Laboratory)
Abstract presenters:
PETKUS, Robert
Track classification:
Hardware and Computing Fabrics
Title: Log Mining with Splunk
Abstract content
Robust, centralized system and application logging services are vital to all computing organizations, regardless of size. For the past year, the RHIC/USATLAS Computing Facility (RACF) has dramatically augmented the utility of logging services with Splunk. Splunk is a powerful application that functions as a log search engine, providing fast, real-time access to data from servers, applications, and network devices. Splunk at the RACF is configured to parse system and application log files, script output, snmp traps, alerts, and has been integrated into our Nagios monitoring infrastructure.
This work will detail our central log infrastructure vis-`a-vis Splunk, examine lightweight agents and example configurations, consider security, and demonstrate functionality. Distributed Splunk deployments or clusters between institutions will be discussed.
Presentation type (oral | poster)
Oral
Primary Authors:
PETKUS, Robert (Brookhaven National Laboratory)
Co-authors:
SMITH, Jason (Brookhaven National Laboratory)
RIND, Ofer (Brookhaven National Laboratory)
Abstract presenters:
PETKUS, Robert
Track classification:
Software Components, Tools and Databases
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Social Bookmarking
There is simply too much information and interesting content on the web and not enough hours in the day to waste precious time in front of a monitor. I lead a productive work life and only allow myself small punctuations throughout the day for surfing. Now I've always been behind the trend so I'm beginning to explore vehicles that real technophiles had already spun and crashed years ago: social bookmarking sites.
It's a natural progression for yours truly. At first, many years ago, I'd set my home page to a web portal like Excite! or Yahoo, which I eventually customized to include the news and stock tallies, etc., and revisit throughout the day. Later on I made a ritual out of visiting a selection of bookmarked sites that offered the perspectives I sought during the day: NYTimes, Register, Onion, Slashdot. Then RSS and ATOM made this process simpler and more attractive since I could have information pushed rather than pulled.
But the problem was always the same -- unless I was willing to spend an inordinate amount of time spelunking the web, I would never be exposed to new and innovative sources of interest. This began to change when I began to utilize Del.icio.us and Google Reader. The great thing about Del.icio.us was that once I began to populate my account with all the random bookmarks I deemed valuable I was immediately exposed to others who were interested in the same thing. I could then browse the other, similarly categorized bookmarks these far-flung siblings had chosen to cherish. In effect, I was able to benefit from the research, googling and web-mining of others. I discovered virtual soul-mates who were prolifically bookmarking previously unknown and valuable web pages. I would parasitically attach myself to them via anonymous RSS subscription. For all I know they were attaching themselves to greater source. Perhaps every user of Delicious is merely a decomposer fed from a single autotroph.
Google Reader, a web-based aggregator, is a different animal. A user essentially populates their reader, an empty canvas, with a selection RSS and/or ATOM feeds (the selection is Google-vast), and reads articles through the interface. The application tracks and tallies what you have and haven't read, what you've labeled worthwhile, and begins to suggest new sources of information. The more you use the system, the more intelligent the suggestions. Again, this has had an impact on my daily consumption of information and I appreciate the exposure I receive to different sources of data.
There is something sinister about these tools. In effect, I am allowing myself to be observed and studied. I'm confident dissertations will be penned exploring the reduction of human psychology via web trend analysis. I imagine a superior advertising product will be engineered based on the information obtained when folks like me use a system such as this on a regular basis. But this is another matter.
Today, my attention has been drawn to social bookmarking sites such as Digg and StumbleUpon. I've created accounts with both services and intend on giving them a full evaluation. Will these tools expose me to the information I seek with minimal work? Will I be able to reclaim more hours of the day and spend them away from a monitor? Will I be fed information that I don't necessarily want to read but am meant to read? Only time will tell.
It's a natural progression for yours truly. At first, many years ago, I'd set my home page to a web portal like Excite! or Yahoo, which I eventually customized to include the news and stock tallies, etc., and revisit throughout the day. Later on I made a ritual out of visiting a selection of bookmarked sites that offered the perspectives I sought during the day: NYTimes, Register, Onion, Slashdot. Then RSS and ATOM made this process simpler and more attractive since I could have information pushed rather than pulled.
But the problem was always the same -- unless I was willing to spend an inordinate amount of time spelunking the web, I would never be exposed to new and innovative sources of interest. This began to change when I began to utilize Del.icio.us and Google Reader. The great thing about Del.icio.us was that once I began to populate my account with all the random bookmarks I deemed valuable I was immediately exposed to others who were interested in the same thing. I could then browse the other, similarly categorized bookmarks these far-flung siblings had chosen to cherish. In effect, I was able to benefit from the research, googling and web-mining of others. I discovered virtual soul-mates who were prolifically bookmarking previously unknown and valuable web pages. I would parasitically attach myself to them via anonymous RSS subscription. For all I know they were attaching themselves to greater source. Perhaps every user of Delicious is merely a decomposer fed from a single autotroph.
Google Reader, a web-based aggregator, is a different animal. A user essentially populates their reader, an empty canvas, with a selection RSS and/or ATOM feeds (the selection is Google-vast), and reads articles through the interface. The application tracks and tallies what you have and haven't read, what you've labeled worthwhile, and begins to suggest new sources of information. The more you use the system, the more intelligent the suggestions. Again, this has had an impact on my daily consumption of information and I appreciate the exposure I receive to different sources of data.
There is something sinister about these tools. In effect, I am allowing myself to be observed and studied. I'm confident dissertations will be penned exploring the reduction of human psychology via web trend analysis. I imagine a superior advertising product will be engineered based on the information obtained when folks like me use a system such as this on a regular basis. But this is another matter.
Today, my attention has been drawn to social bookmarking sites such as Digg and StumbleUpon. I've created accounts with both services and intend on giving them a full evaluation. Will these tools expose me to the information I seek with minimal work? Will I be able to reclaim more hours of the day and spend them away from a monitor? Will I be fed information that I don't necessarily want to read but am meant to read? Only time will tell.
The Farmingdale Library web site isn't entirely lame but alisweb.org is
Yesterday I mentioned how, at first blush, the Northport Library website looked superior to my local digs, the Farmingdale Library. You'll recall how I was smitten by the ability to manage your own account online. Then the final verdict that the NPPL site was really just a heap of bolus draped in semi-professional CSS glaze. Let's cover new ground and make some corrections.
The Farmingdale Library does allow patron account access. I can view material currently checked out, renew online, request inter-library loan (with email notification), and even opt into a system wherein all my activity is tracked for personal analysis (I opted). They use a system utilized by all libraries in Nassau County called the Automated Library Information System Web Catalog, or Alisweb.
This is what it looks like -- as you can see I'm overdue on a number of items.
Now I'm a severe library buff and so are my kids. There was a time many years ago when I would spend many hours and dollars in Borders-n-Barnes&Nobles. Strand was a mecca and old George Lenz in Huntington had all the literary gems (Faulkner, Proust, Joyce, Nabokov) in the ever-so-hip 8x5.2 sizing for $8-10. As a kid my room was stuffed wall to wall with bookcases, books piled 2-3 levels deep, falling off the shelves, and atop every piece of furniture.
Then everything changed when I had kids. Even before progeny one breathed her own air I began building a mini child library. Until I realized that the majority of my selections were flops: Daddy, I don't like this book. I simply cannot predict what my kids are going to like. The library changed this -- I've donated a significant portion of my collection and simply see no reason why I would ever need to purchase a book again. I'm really referring to recreational reading books here, not reference or professional volumes.
The public library evokes all the sentiment it held when I was in elementary school. Now I recall with embarrassment how I had all those $20 Stephen King hardcovers during junior and high school -- did I ever ever read one of those books more than once?
But I'm supposed to be speaking about alisweb. Cool idea -- horrible implementation. In order to access your account one needs to enter 1) username, 2) 14-digit library card barcode, and 3) 4-digit pin. The site doesn't support encryption which is real annoying but I figure it's not like I'm entering my bank account password. At worst, someone can request a bunch of books on my behalf and cause some annoyance for me. Otherwise, I'm not taking out how-to books on nail pipe-bomb or pvc silencer manufacturing so I go ahead, enter the information, close my eyes and inject my clear-text library genome straight into cyberspace.
Since it's not SSL, the Safari browser can't store the password and Firefox only stores the 4-digit pin -- I can remember the 4-digit pin, it's the 14-digit number that's the problem! Now get this: Every time you navigate away from "personal settings" and back again, you have to re-enter everything again -- including the 14-digit number! What a piece of garbage. I want to contact Innovative Interfaces, Inc. and tell them how uninnovative their interface is.
Here is my open letter to Innovatice Interfaces, Inc.:
Please consider SSL and credential management.
The Farmingdale Library does allow patron account access. I can view material currently checked out, renew online, request inter-library loan (with email notification), and even opt into a system wherein all my activity is tracked for personal analysis (I opted). They use a system utilized by all libraries in Nassau County called the Automated Library Information System Web Catalog, or Alisweb.
This is what it looks like -- as you can see I'm overdue on a number of items.
Now I'm a severe library buff and so are my kids. There was a time many years ago when I would spend many hours and dollars in Borders-n-Barnes&Nobles. Strand was a mecca and old George Lenz in Huntington had all the literary gems (Faulkner, Proust, Joyce, Nabokov) in the ever-so-hip 8x5.2 sizing for $8-10. As a kid my room was stuffed wall to wall with bookcases, books piled 2-3 levels deep, falling off the shelves, and atop every piece of furniture.
Then everything changed when I had kids. Even before progeny one breathed her own air I began building a mini child library. Until I realized that the majority of my selections were flops: Daddy, I don't like this book. I simply cannot predict what my kids are going to like. The library changed this -- I've donated a significant portion of my collection and simply see no reason why I would ever need to purchase a book again. I'm really referring to recreational reading books here, not reference or professional volumes.
The public library evokes all the sentiment it held when I was in elementary school. Now I recall with embarrassment how I had all those $20 Stephen King hardcovers during junior and high school -- did I ever ever read one of those books more than once?
But I'm supposed to be speaking about alisweb. Cool idea -- horrible implementation. In order to access your account one needs to enter 1) username, 2) 14-digit library card barcode, and 3) 4-digit pin. The site doesn't support encryption which is real annoying but I figure it's not like I'm entering my bank account password. At worst, someone can request a bunch of books on my behalf and cause some annoyance for me. Otherwise, I'm not taking out how-to books on nail pipe-bomb or pvc silencer manufacturing so I go ahead, enter the information, close my eyes and inject my clear-text library genome straight into cyberspace.
Since it's not SSL, the Safari browser can't store the password and Firefox only stores the 4-digit pin -- I can remember the 4-digit pin, it's the 14-digit number that's the problem! Now get this: Every time you navigate away from "personal settings" and back again, you have to re-enter everything again -- including the 14-digit number! What a piece of garbage. I want to contact Innovative Interfaces, Inc. and tell them how uninnovative their interface is.
Here is my open letter to Innovatice Interfaces, Inc.:
Please consider SSL and credential management.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Northport Library - Luminescent Orchestrii - old people
A friend told me that "Luminescent Orchestrii" would be playing at the Northport Public Library at 7PM. Since my 3-year old is learning to play the violin and the band includes (2) female violinists in the front perhaps I would be interested? Indeed I was. On their MySpace page, the group is self-described as "Gypsy Tango Klezmer Punk". I wasn't exactly enamored by the clips I heard but figured a group such as this is best appreciated live. I also hoped the exposure would broaden my daughter's appreciation of the violin, allowing her view it from a different lens.
Alas, the performance was cancelled at the last minute. I was maybe 10 minutes from the library, having rushed dinner before fumbling around the house for last minute essentials in a storm of panic and profanity. Which library is it at, Northport or East Northport? The libraries share the same website and pdf bulletin. There was no distinction made regarding the location of the performance.
/* Side note: at first blush I thought to myself, Wow, this library has a nice website -- much better than my local Farmingdale library. Look Honey, I hollered from the kitchen table excitedly, members can log in and track the books they've taken out! But that was a superficial assessment. The web site sucks. Basic information like, Calendar of Events, is obfuscated. Useful information is obtained by downloading a pdf of the most recent bulletin, a decoupage of clip art and goofy fonts. */
Another great tragedy is that I had my wife last-minute-cancel dinner with the mother-in-law in order to make the gig. The wife was appropriately disgusted about the cancellation suggesting this was yet another in a long series of atrocities committed by yours truly. The most fabled of all was when my mother-in-law took it upon herself to invite her son and his (2) rowdy boys to participate in a simple birthday ceremony I organized for my daughter that was intended for nuclear family consumption only. These are the sort of kids that were bound to put a damper on things -- a duo of sullen, surly boys that are completely unresponsive to authority. Anyway, I had to call up both mother and brother-in-law and do the uninviting that sad day. And from that moment on I ceased to be a team-player and was labeled capricious and tacky.
Back to tonight and Luminescent, my wife made it clear that since she was unhappy about the cancellation she would refuse to have fun and resolve herself to a disposition that was grey and mealy. After dinner and last minute panic, I call the library whilst driving and ask if Luminescent Orchestrii was playing that night. That was intended as a rhetorical question designed only to give context to my real question: Are they playing at the Northport or East Northport Library? But even this was a challenge. I'm at a red light, I'm running 15-minutes late, I have (2) addresses. I need to finger one of those addresses into the GPS before the light turns green and I have to drive on a dark highway. What, the Illuminati? is the response. No, Luminescent Orchestrii. Let me see, she says. Long long pause -- the other traffic light turns yellow -- my phone's low battery indicator beeps -- Hello, is anyone there? No, sir, I don't have any such event scheduled for tonight. Goddammit, I say, I know for a fact the band is playing but I need to know where -- put me on the phone with someone who knows things.
But like I said before, the band cancelled. I decided to go to the library anyway -- maybe go to the children's section and let the kids traipse about. Upon entering, I play dumb and ask the front desk attendant where Luminescent is performing and hear of the cancellation; a band member's mother had past away. However, another act has filled the void -- go downstairs and see. A gnarled finger, white as whale bone, points to a downward flight of stairs, the Ghost of Christmas-yet-to-come. I hear faint music and what sounds like a cow bell. We all follow the gaze of the specter and enter this room filled with old people. There may have been young people there but only the old ones stood out. They were that breed of old people I expect attend every free event offered at the library -- concerts, seminars, movie afternoons. Every fold out metal chair is occupied. The faces are disconsolate and drawn. They look at me with plaintive eyes because they are trapped in the midst of an incomprehensibly lame performance and for whatever reason felt obliged to sit and suffer. For the sake nobility? Who can say. I don't know the fellow's name, and even if I did probably wouldn't write it here to avoid offense, but he's a jolly Bert one-man-band sitting down with some home-made instrument resembling a pedal steel but not worth a tuppence in tone. He has a small drum set, too -- snare, bass, tom and ride cymbal. Unseen from my vantage, an incessant triangle or bell.
A woman came to my side and sympathetically whispered in my ear that this wasn't Luminescent Orchestrii and I didn't have to stay. Gee, thanks for the permission. When I left the room, I heard (2) library workers bemoaning the fact that everyone inside looked like prisoners, that they weren't obligated to stay, and were trying to work a strategy where they could make a non-offensive announcement giving people the freedom the leave. I laughed to myself. All those poor old folks. Under what circumstance would they deem it safe to leave?
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Hillary -- the Vice President
I desperately want Hillary to fade away. Obama would do well to choose someone else at all costs.
We have to agree or parent separately
This is a quote from my wife tonight. The last week, she's gone off the deep end -- irritable, argumentative, generally unpleasant to be around. But I've been letting it roll off of me. Been feeling imperturbable lately. The issue tonight, and the last two nights, is that our youngest one wails in the crib at bedtime and doesn't want to go down. Put her on her back and she gets up on her knees, pulls herself to a stand and just hysterically cries. She's sick, too, and has been receiving a strong antibiotic for the last week so I consider her more vulnerable and worthy of TLC than normal. So for the last two nights when she cries I pick her up, bring her in K.'s room, and let her sleep on my lap. Then when the snore stabilizes I plop her in the crib and end of story.
Now this drives the wife insane cause everything has to be just "so" -- there can not be any exceptions to the ideal routine since this would create a monstrous habit and rift the fabric. Her solution is to lock herself in the room with the baby, sit next to the crib and let her cry. Tonight this was going on for 35 minutes or so. From my perspective, she's just creating another sort of habit, one where every night someone needs to sit next to the crib while the kid complains and finally goes to sleep. If you're gonna ferberize a baby, just leave the room, pillow your ears, let her cry it out, and pray it stops soon. What the hell is she thinking.
I'm like, Honey, please unlock the door.
No
Why?
You're not taking her out of here.
Why?
Because I've got it under control.
Honey, please unlock the door.
She unlocks the door, my older daughter and I walk in and there is the baby, standing, hands gripping the crib slats like a prisoner, completely red-faced and screaming. I pick the baby up and walk out of the room. Wifey is yelling at me -- about how I'm screwing everything up. Don't really know what I'm screwing up but consider her strangely. What a weird, irrational person. Then she actually leaves the house and goes somewhere. So now my older daughter, who is just a toddler is like, where'd mommy go, why is she upset? Then she said, and I thought this was pretty precocious for a girl ready to turn 3: If mommy is mad at you why does she have to take it out on me, too? Now I don't have mommy with me at bedtime. That's not fair.
No it's not. Too bad.
Anyway, the baby falls asleep on my lap within minutes and shortly after I stand up and deposit her in the crib. End of story.
Afterward, right when I sat down to go to this site and write about the night, Wife comes in and says: I'm just going to say one thing -- we better start agreeing as parents in front of the kids or we're going to parent separately.
Whatever.
BTW, watching some show on NBC HD right now called "Fear Itself". Never saw it before. Somewhat entertaining as background noise but unbelievably stupid and drawn out. Some inmates on the lam are stuck in some derelict compound inhabited by hot goth chicks and other assorted weirdos and ugly vampires that torture and maim stray folks in the spirit of all the inbred horror movies like: Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Hills have Eyes, 10000 Corpses, etc., ad infinitum. But it's annoying and formulaic. For example, some dirty, sweaty guy comes to from a fog and looks ahead in lip quivering terror at something. Camera pans to a pair of pale bare feet. Back to the terrified guy, his eyes scan upward, close-up of horrified guy, cut to next scene. So he gets to see the entire monster and we only see the monster's feet. Oh, the mystery and suspense!!! Like in the Dukes of Hazard when it always cut to a commercial right when the General Lee went airborne. After the break, it'd begin where it left off, you'd watch the car complete the jump, the front end of the Charger practically atomizing on impact, and emerge in the next frame polished and immaculate. The Immaculate Conception.
Vampire in this episode looks like a cross between the Crypt Keeper and the hideous inhabitants Salem's Lot. Oh, the vampire was just burned. Man and indigenous woman hold hands while the entire house burns down. Gravely cello soundtrack. Looks like the compound is an old fort of sorts -- the one, perhaps, from Tom Sawyers Island in Disney -- you know, where the have the air rifles and the caverns underneath. Interesting, the indigenous woman who we were led to believe was a ally, gave an ominous sideways glance with loaded music. This is incredible.
(2) daredevil jack-offs that climbed the New York Times building in Manhattan today. The second guy had "Malaria Awareness" sloppily magic-markered on a white t-shirt. This is certain to have a profound impact for sufferers of the disease.
Now this drives the wife insane cause everything has to be just "so" -- there can not be any exceptions to the ideal routine since this would create a monstrous habit and rift the fabric. Her solution is to lock herself in the room with the baby, sit next to the crib and let her cry. Tonight this was going on for 35 minutes or so. From my perspective, she's just creating another sort of habit, one where every night someone needs to sit next to the crib while the kid complains and finally goes to sleep. If you're gonna ferberize a baby, just leave the room, pillow your ears, let her cry it out, and pray it stops soon. What the hell is she thinking.
I'm like, Honey, please unlock the door.
No
Why?
You're not taking her out of here.
Why?
Because I've got it under control.
Honey, please unlock the door.
She unlocks the door, my older daughter and I walk in and there is the baby, standing, hands gripping the crib slats like a prisoner, completely red-faced and screaming. I pick the baby up and walk out of the room. Wifey is yelling at me -- about how I'm screwing everything up. Don't really know what I'm screwing up but consider her strangely. What a weird, irrational person. Then she actually leaves the house and goes somewhere. So now my older daughter, who is just a toddler is like, where'd mommy go, why is she upset? Then she said, and I thought this was pretty precocious for a girl ready to turn 3: If mommy is mad at you why does she have to take it out on me, too? Now I don't have mommy with me at bedtime. That's not fair.
No it's not. Too bad.
Anyway, the baby falls asleep on my lap within minutes and shortly after I stand up and deposit her in the crib. End of story.
Afterward, right when I sat down to go to this site and write about the night, Wife comes in and says: I'm just going to say one thing -- we better start agreeing as parents in front of the kids or we're going to parent separately.
Whatever.
BTW, watching some show on NBC HD right now called "Fear Itself". Never saw it before. Somewhat entertaining as background noise but unbelievably stupid and drawn out. Some inmates on the lam are stuck in some derelict compound inhabited by hot goth chicks and other assorted weirdos and ugly vampires that torture and maim stray folks in the spirit of all the inbred horror movies like: Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Hills have Eyes, 10000 Corpses, etc., ad infinitum. But it's annoying and formulaic. For example, some dirty, sweaty guy comes to from a fog and looks ahead in lip quivering terror at something. Camera pans to a pair of pale bare feet. Back to the terrified guy, his eyes scan upward, close-up of horrified guy, cut to next scene. So he gets to see the entire monster and we only see the monster's feet. Oh, the mystery and suspense!!! Like in the Dukes of Hazard when it always cut to a commercial right when the General Lee went airborne. After the break, it'd begin where it left off, you'd watch the car complete the jump, the front end of the Charger practically atomizing on impact, and emerge in the next frame polished and immaculate. The Immaculate Conception.
Vampire in this episode looks like a cross between the Crypt Keeper and the hideous inhabitants Salem's Lot. Oh, the vampire was just burned. Man and indigenous woman hold hands while the entire house burns down. Gravely cello soundtrack. Looks like the compound is an old fort of sorts -- the one, perhaps, from Tom Sawyers Island in Disney -- you know, where the have the air rifles and the caverns underneath. Interesting, the indigenous woman who we were led to believe was a ally, gave an ominous sideways glance with loaded music. This is incredible.
(2) daredevil jack-offs that climbed the New York Times building in Manhattan today. The second guy had "Malaria Awareness" sloppily magic-markered on a white t-shirt. This is certain to have a profound impact for sufferers of the disease.
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